Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Superman Returns

Someone had to do it, might as well be me, especially as my co-contributors have been a bit slack of late.

Superman Returns; I’m going to go out on a limb here and say I liked it.
It wasn’t the best film I have ever seen, but it was enjoyable, in a mindless sort of way. It looks nice (as in the effects are good), the story is ok and the acting is up to scratch. What more can you ask for?

I don’t need to go in to detail with the plot as you already know, Superman saves the world. If you didn’t know that, you're stupid! I recommend that you remove yourself from civilised society now and never read this blog again.

Now the idiots are gone, on with the review. Kevin Spacey was great. He was a more evil Lex which I really liked, he wanted to kill billions of people and create his on continent. You have to admire that sort of ambition.
Routh did a fine job, his Superman seemed to have something to prove and was really working his ass off to save the world not just that slag Lois.


Now on to Lois, dirty slag that she is, what was she doing? Had a baby by one man and palmed it off onto another! Now I am not here to judge, but let’s weigh this up. Superman leaves after impregnating her and she manages to go to bed with another guy in enough time to claim that it’s his baby. Either she is a quick griever or a slag. My guess is the latter.

One thing I don’t get is, bearing in mind that Clark works with investigative reporters you would think they would be alert and aware etc. Surely someone could figure out that Clark is Superman, they have both been away for years, the return at exactly the same time, they are never seen together and the only difference in appearance is that the direction of the flick in his hair and his glasses. You don’t need Colombo on the case to work it out, but that is besides the point back to the film.

The only major flaw I can think of comes in the form of Kitty Kowalski; Lex’s wench. She was crap! Why was she there? What does she bring to the story? Lex, being the bad man that he was should have shown her the door then proceeded to kick her through it.

In summary, good film, I liked it and you should too.

Lex Luthor: “Gods are selfish beings who fly around in little red capes and don't share their power with mankind. No, I don't want to be a God. I just want to bring fire to the people. And I want my cut”


Blogger Here2Pull said...

I totally agree with the review mate.

That slag kitty deserved a ruddy good kick to the stomach. Personally, if it was me, I would've left her on that goddamn Island-of-Krypton to starve her fat ass off. That'll teach her to be such a snivelling pathetic evil-henchmans-slut-dolly. Superman can't save you now bitch! Bwuahahahahahahahahaha.

I saw this movie the other night and to be honest I found it lame. The superman actor (I won't even bother to look him up because he's not worth my time) did a fairly good job and scarily sounds a lot like Christopher Reeve, but it's a far too happy-go-lucky film for me. Superman got his ass kicked, word.

The thing that pissed me off the most is the fact that the kid is meant to be Supermans. Allow me to refer to a movie called 'Mallrats' in which they debate that Superman could never have a child with Lois, because do you really think her womb would be strong enough to hold an alien lovechild? Not to mention the fact that when Superman blows his load, I guarantee you he blows it like a shotgun right through her back, killing her instantly.

2:32 PM  
Blogger Chase said...

you say that but chances are, Lois is such a dirty biatch that she has had enough tool run through her to strengthen her innards in preparation for an appearance of the son of Kryptonite’s wang, you ever think of it like that?

12:04 PM  
Blogger Here2Pull said...


It's possible I guess, but she must've had an immense amount of dick passed through her. We're talking like more than your average Brentwood chick. Lois would've had to have been ruined by potentially every man in the USA, and she'd probably pick up HIV along the way.

Assuming Superman doesn't pick up STD's then I think Lex Luthor will kidnap Lois, fill her uterus with kryptonite and let Superman try and put it in her. The second he does he'll become weak, limp and die. Then they'd turn it into a 'safe sex' advert to show the children of Metropolis. "Even Superman couldn't think without his dick and look what happened to him".

11:18 AM  
Blogger Chase said...

Personally i think thinking without your dick is highly overated

1:37 PM  
Blogger Here2Pull said...

How big do you think Supermans dick is?

1:49 PM  
Blogger Chase said...

Good question, you would think that being superman he would have some massive, gargantuan, colossal, Earth shattering rod of kryptonian steal but he wears tights. You might think, "arragh the thights are to show of the beast" but you would be wrong. Personally i think Superman has a micro penis, fortunatley for him he has an immense force to bang it in with.

1:55 PM  
Blogger Here2Pull said...

Hmmm, a micro-penis with big bang...

Personally I think he has an automatically resizing penis that fits the shape of the womans orifice he's using it on. That would suit a man of his caliber.

It starts off tiny then inflates until the hole is filled.

1:57 PM  
Blogger Chase said...

Like expanding foam?

What about if he is getting some head, he would choke her!

That’s assuming he gets head or gets laid at all, wasn’t superman of the highest moral fiber? Surely he won’t be shagging till he is married.

But what about the kid I hear you scream, maybe, just maybe, superman can get a chick pregnant by just kissing/heavy petting. If he has super soldiers down there they could fly out and get in lois without actual physical contact

2:07 PM  

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