Dirty Sanchez: The Movie

If you don't know what a Dirty Sanchez is, let me summarise. It involves pooh. Go look it up on google if you're still intrigued.

I was lucky enough to obtain a copy of this movie last night, and felt instantly compelled to post my thoughts on this wonderful blog.

If you're unfamiliar with the Dirty Sanchez series, then it basically consists of 3 Welsh Guys (Dainton, Pritchard and Pancho) and their seriously depraved English counterpart (Joyce). It's an MTV program, similar to Jackass, but obviously the English... err Welsh equivalent. These guys perform stunts, self mutilation and generally just get drunk and puke everywhere - but it's fun to watch if you're as sick as I am.

It's been a long time since we've heard from the boys, so this movie has to make up for lost time. The plot (if you can call it that) is that at the beginning of the movie the guys die performing a stupid stunt involving an exploding caravan - a car driving extremely fast, and pancho lying down in the middle of it. Satan (played by one of the Rolling Stones I think) makes a deal with them, and says that if they can perform 7 deadly sins then he'll let them go and revive them. So off the whackos go, all around the round, performing stunts involving the sins.

If you're wondering how they can surpass themselves from the TV series, then let me assure you - they most certainly have in every way. The movie brings you the sicket, most depraved acts of mutilation and gut-wrenching craziness you're ever likely to see?

I won't give it away, because it's one you have to see for yourself, but the most memorable parts are where Pritchard goes to the Yakuza to have a finger cut off.... yes, you read that right, cut off. And the other most memorable part is where the 4 guys are downing shots, and eating insects, whilst receiving a handjob from a Bangkok prostitute. Decided that this wasn't enough, they decide to up the ante - when Pancho brings out something from earlier in the movie. Let me tell you, it's perhaps one of the sickest things you're ever likely to see. In a good way of course.

All in all, these guys show that not only do they kick the living crap out of Jonny Noxville and the Jackass pussies - they're number 1 in the sick business.

I give this a 5 out of 5. Watch it or be lame.

The Lost Boys

I'm going for a cult classic here; The Lost Boys. We've probably all seen it as teenager or kids, and don't remember much about it. I'd recently downloaded the Soundtrack which reminded me just how good this film is, so I decided to give it another play.

Instead of all the typical cliché vampire movies we have, of the vamps running around killing everybody, and some 'hero' showing up and killing them all, we're left with a much darker almost believeable movie.

A family move to Santa Carlo after their mother divorces their father. When they arrive to move in grandpa' they discover that they've moved into the murder capital of the world. Dozens of "missing" posters fill various boards around town, and the youngest of the family (played by Corey Haim) unearths rumours that Vampires lurk.

Michael (the eldest son) catches eyes on some hottie named 'Star' and is lured into the underworld by the ringleader, played excellently by Keifer Sutherland. He wants this babe so bad he'll do anything to get her, including drinking what he thinks is wine, but is actually David (Keifer)'s blood. Over the next few days he gradually becomes a vampire.

As I said, this isn't your typical vampire movie. This film really aims to just show that, whilst we all know it's a film, it could actually be quite plausible that vampires are roaming around - and that's really the best 'horror' impact here.

The special effects are actually very good for the time; the vampires look realistic, and the scene where Michael is hanging off a railway track and plummets through the clouds is pretty sweet.

This is a cult classic. We have the overly camp 80's gay clothes. The big mullet haircuts, and the soundtrack to match. If you like your vampire movies, this one's for you. 4.5/5